I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
this just has baby written all over it
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
