My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
