Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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