Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
i dont even know how to be here
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
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