I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
it was like eating out sand paper
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
