at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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