U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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