I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
