True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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