that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
