I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
