College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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