no, he came in my armpit
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
