I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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