I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
