I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
organizing the empties. That sober.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
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He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
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She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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