Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
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