im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
