are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
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