I just made out with a guy for $7.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
she peed on how many people?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
