by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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