Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Your mouth is God's brothel.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
