Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
