I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
