I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
