Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
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