onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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