you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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