So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
