How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
