I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
It's official drugs can't kill me
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I believe in your delicious
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Randomize
