I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Moan for me like Helen Keller
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
