hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize