there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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