I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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