I'll bet she douches with gravy.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
