Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
