I think I won the penis lottery.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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