It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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