he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
