Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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