i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
