Capitaan dildo arrescate!
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
