I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.