Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
