im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
