i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
