**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
