Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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