Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Woke up backwards on a recliner
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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