i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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