I've blown a few things in my day
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
