I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize