You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
