feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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