I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
