In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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