so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
