he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
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at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
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Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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